Deep Dark Valley

Do you ever feel like

you are in a deep dark valley?

Everyone else seems to be

walking about in the range 

of the sunshine and happy.

And when I picture this valley

I feel I'm in with my minds eye,

it makes me cry out to God,

"Show me what you want to show me.

Teach me what you want me to learn.

Here I am.  I want to know.

There has to be a very good reason

I am sequestered here.

Let me see your way

instead of seeing what I feel." 

And somehow, I feel much better

having seen where I am 

in this dark valley

and how He placed me here

for a reason.

He does have something valuable

for me here.

I just didn't know where I was

or how to ask.

Sometimes I feel like I have to be here.

I have to know what it's like.

I pray for deep compassion for others

like Jesus had,

but then cry and fuss

when I have to go through things

others go through to get it.

Is it OK if He breaks me?

Is it OK if He closes every door 

of opportunity I keep eyeing

as I stand in the dark hallway

and see the light coming 

from underneath doors?

Do I trust His hand leading me

in this still dark place?

Or do I rush away from that hand

and push open any door 

just because something 

would feel better than nothing?

It's so hard to wait,

to trust, to believe God is perfect

in all His ways.

That He loves me so much

and His love hasn't diminished

whether I have felt happy and fruitful

or unhappy and still.

Can I trust Him 

in this deep dark valley?

I think He knows I will.

I need His grace.