People Are People

Sometimes we forget our humanity
and the preciousness of people.
People are just people.
Even Christians are just people.
And there is life that happens.
It happens to all of us.
Sometimes we unwittingly ignore
the normal process of what it takes
to grow up and mature.
We expect too much from each other
and even in that, is a realization
in our growth to maturity.
Many times we don’t realize
the codependency mindset
we’ve adopted from our culture
and we settle for that.
Men come into marriage with one.
Women come into marriage with one.
And when you’re young,
there is this ability to hold on
to the control of things around you.
As you get older, and have children,
you realize you can’t control everything
and everyone even if you wanted to.
The stress of that can suck the life
from you. It leaves you with
some ugly behaviors.
So someone has to let go.
And there is that moment
when one realizes they are done.
The task is too impossible for one
to manage all on their own.
It feels like you’ve lost ground,
that you’ve taken a few steps backward.
It’s uncomfortable and shifting
has to occur.
But it’s a healthy and normal process
of growing up.
Marriage is not an end all
to cover up the process of maturity.
Two people are still two individual people.
They sleep in the same bed.
They raise the same kids.
They live in the same house.
But each person is a human
who needs room to breathe.
Much of the sacrifice needed
to make a family and be a family
in all the deep depths
and intricacies of that tends to fall
on the woman.
She feels everything.
She sees all the struggles
in all of the humanity she dwells with.
So much is on her to hold things together.
Men, not seeming as spiritually in-tune
to these types of delicate proceedings
that occur,
add so much of their own disfunction,
especially if they suffered
from lack of appropriate nurture
in their tender, developing years.
They bring that deep sense of need
for a mothers nurture into marriage.
And a wife is not equipped to mother
a full grown man.
That sort of thing is too overwhelming.
She needs a human being
to come alongside her
who is healthy and can be the man
and do the things and be the person
a grown man should be.
But how very often, it just isn’t there.
And a woman will do what she can
but she isn’t perfect either
and she can fail.
A strong woman can even fail more
quickly than one who isn’t.
Because when one is “strong”,
it mainly means they have capacity
to know how to hold it together
whether with the strength of God
or with sheer willpower and effort.
But if the man does not follow
or even lead in the maturity process,
there comes a crash.
It’s not a failure per-say -
even though I mentioned the word “fail”,
it was a flawed system to begin with
and so it was bound to unravel
at some point.
Human beings can only do so much.
And we need times of nurture
and rest and the outflow of creativity
that is part of the joy of living.
So relax.
Take time to let the struggle of growth
bloom into the beautiful bouquet
your life will become.
People each need to work on
things inside of them that need healing.
Take time to do that.
Go for that long walk.
Write about your struggle
and let your heart bleed before God.
Tell Him all your worries and heartaches.
And be still.
Let grace flow and just sink
into its gentle embrace.
People are people.
Don’t expect so much
from one another and yourself.
And if you crash,
and you find the battement of life
has become too much to handle,
then take a step back.
Let the unimportant go.
And find your healing and return.