Learning Healthy Relationships
Each one of us has a strong, yet delicate spirit and over time, we can learn a lot about ourselves as we live in our own skin. We can be aware of what sets us off, what brings us into a passionate state, what we can and cannot handle and how much, who we allow to come into our world and their affect on us and which ones should be an integral part of our lives or not. It can seem pretty complicated - the way our spirit handles each and every day with its unique set of challenges.
I've been thinking about my own life in this moment. Mine has been a lot of religious push and shove. There has been plenty of manipulation and control in my life due to behaviors of mine that others view as desirable or undesirable. Some behaviors deemed desirable by others have included things like being politically correct in my usage of religious terminology and how I project myself religiously that appeals to the form that others around me view is correct. (Which can fluctuate from person to person to the point where you find yourself trying to learn how to please each personality around you.)
I have found my life consisting of trying hard to learn what pleases others and trying to make each one of them happy. I didn't realize it but I think that is what the Bible calls trying to get the praises that come from men. Not only is it exhausting trying to please everyone around me, along with that, it is exhausting wanting others to please me.
In 2014, our family moved to Florida. We were only acquainted with a couple people and had no family there. In that new setting, I was away from the pressures of my previous community and there was no one in my local vicinity I felt I needed to please, nor were there others who I felt comfortable enough around to try and manipulate to please me. Nor did I have the energy to want to go out and really work on building relationships - not realizing until I left how much work it took to build them when you start from zero.
I think God knew something I didn't about how my life had been herded and He graciously took me out and began to lead me beside still waters and green pastures and restore my soul. One problem in this beautiful process of His was that I was used to being herded and not being with the crowd was difficult for me. Part of me craved to be controlled and to control. But there was no one to do it and as time went on, even the beautiful people He began to put in my life in Miami were normal and uncontrolling. I did encounter a few who tried to make me feel like what I wasn't doing for them was inadequate but because they were brand new in my life and hadn't built a relationship with me, it was easy to say no and not feel guilty. It was a new way of life. I started to enjoy the lack of drama, control and manipulation in spite of the fact that at times I felt lonely but even then, that loneliness didn't motivate me to reach out for anyone....especially anyone "toxic". I was able to view and experience a life of contrast where my spirit felt free of the grip and control of previous unhealthy relationships that were invasive to my spirit. Two years of that contrast has changed me. Now that I'm back in my hometown near relationships I had before, I am able to continue the good boundaries I learned and to be OK with not allowing unhealthy relationships to invade mine voluntarily. It hasn't been easy to hold the pressures of how I once lived at bay, but it is easier to say no now and not feel guilty about it. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I can wait on God for His timing and direction and be patient when there is no answer and let the still waters and green pastures be my life. I can wait until I hear clearly and trust His voice. There are reasons why He did what He did in my life. It's good to take the time to meditate on what He is doing and His ways throughout my life and to remember He cares for me. He cares for each and every person around me too. And when we just stay with Him and wait on Him, truly He does renew our strength. He does teach us to rise on wings as eagles. We do learn to run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. As we wait and continue in the disciplines of abiding in Him, He will teach us how to live anew and to love Him first and those around us. He is working in us to will and do His good pleasure. He is the Master of our heart. He is also the Master of our tender and delicate spirits. He is the Master of our soul, our will, our mind and our emotions. He is the Master of the full lives of each one around us too and we can trust Him for them and we don't need to control, push or shove anyone. Let God lead everyone around us. As you walk in the light as God is in the light, you will have fellowship with one another. Don't fear or fret or control. Trust in His sovereign hand and His beautiful promises. Keep your mind stayed on Him. When we do that, we give Him control of ourselves and others and can walk in His perfect peace....His sweet Shalom.
I've been thinking about my own life in this moment. Mine has been a lot of religious push and shove. There has been plenty of manipulation and control in my life due to behaviors of mine that others view as desirable or undesirable. Some behaviors deemed desirable by others have included things like being politically correct in my usage of religious terminology and how I project myself religiously that appeals to the form that others around me view is correct. (Which can fluctuate from person to person to the point where you find yourself trying to learn how to please each personality around you.)
I have found my life consisting of trying hard to learn what pleases others and trying to make each one of them happy. I didn't realize it but I think that is what the Bible calls trying to get the praises that come from men. Not only is it exhausting trying to please everyone around me, along with that, it is exhausting wanting others to please me.
In 2014, our family moved to Florida. We were only acquainted with a couple people and had no family there. In that new setting, I was away from the pressures of my previous community and there was no one in my local vicinity I felt I needed to please, nor were there others who I felt comfortable enough around to try and manipulate to please me. Nor did I have the energy to want to go out and really work on building relationships - not realizing until I left how much work it took to build them when you start from zero.
I think God knew something I didn't about how my life had been herded and He graciously took me out and began to lead me beside still waters and green pastures and restore my soul. One problem in this beautiful process of His was that I was used to being herded and not being with the crowd was difficult for me. Part of me craved to be controlled and to control. But there was no one to do it and as time went on, even the beautiful people He began to put in my life in Miami were normal and uncontrolling. I did encounter a few who tried to make me feel like what I wasn't doing for them was inadequate but because they were brand new in my life and hadn't built a relationship with me, it was easy to say no and not feel guilty. It was a new way of life. I started to enjoy the lack of drama, control and manipulation in spite of the fact that at times I felt lonely but even then, that loneliness didn't motivate me to reach out for anyone....especially anyone "toxic". I was able to view and experience a life of contrast where my spirit felt free of the grip and control of previous unhealthy relationships that were invasive to my spirit. Two years of that contrast has changed me. Now that I'm back in my hometown near relationships I had before, I am able to continue the good boundaries I learned and to be OK with not allowing unhealthy relationships to invade mine voluntarily. It hasn't been easy to hold the pressures of how I once lived at bay, but it is easier to say no now and not feel guilty about it. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I can wait on God for His timing and direction and be patient when there is no answer and let the still waters and green pastures be my life. I can wait until I hear clearly and trust His voice. There are reasons why He did what He did in my life. It's good to take the time to meditate on what He is doing and His ways throughout my life and to remember He cares for me. He cares for each and every person around me too. And when we just stay with Him and wait on Him, truly He does renew our strength. He does teach us to rise on wings as eagles. We do learn to run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. As we wait and continue in the disciplines of abiding in Him, He will teach us how to live anew and to love Him first and those around us. He is working in us to will and do His good pleasure. He is the Master of our heart. He is also the Master of our tender and delicate spirits. He is the Master of our soul, our will, our mind and our emotions. He is the Master of the full lives of each one around us too and we can trust Him for them and we don't need to control, push or shove anyone. Let God lead everyone around us. As you walk in the light as God is in the light, you will have fellowship with one another. Don't fear or fret or control. Trust in His sovereign hand and His beautiful promises. Keep your mind stayed on Him. When we do that, we give Him control of ourselves and others and can walk in His perfect peace....His sweet Shalom.
Comments
Post a Comment